is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
