You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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