I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
