lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
