So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
