We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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