Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
