he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
