My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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