I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
