I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
