I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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