I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
