The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
