I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
