i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
