I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
