OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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