My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
