Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
