Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
