do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
