You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
