how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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