Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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