I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
