i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
