You're completely useless in the revolution.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
