forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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