i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Panties = found
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
