perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
