In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
