i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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