I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
