So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
