she was so not down for the gang bang
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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