Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
