Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
