i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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