Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize