drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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