he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
