I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
