I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
As shirtless as possible
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
