I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
