You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
