Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
