puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
