i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
