You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
