just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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