Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
