You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
