There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I need water and some morals
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
