Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
