I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
