I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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