We got so high we made milksteak
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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