I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
