You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
