Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
