You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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