I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize